For the past couple weeks, I've been thinking back on when my oldest daughter was born, and I remember it being completely overwhelming. Fatherhood, waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to just go places whenever, and having to plan around a tiny person's schedule changed a lot of things. We had to become a lot more organized to really be able to get anything done. Without a doubt, even with the stress it was wonderful time. Watching a new baby discover the world is magical in ways that I haven't found elsewhere, so there's no way I would trade it. I have, however, thought of a few things I would tell myself, if I could speak with the new parent version of myself.
You Will Have Energy Again, I Promise
I remember feeling so exhausted as I adjusted to being disturbed regularly at night that even basic things like walking upstairs or turning around while backing a car up felt very tiring. I felt so tired for so long that I wondered for a while if I was just starting to get old and I would only get less and less energy as life continued.
When I think about when my second child was born, I didn't feel the same level of exhaustion, even though there were now two children and our oldest was still shy of 3. Obviously, not everyone who has a first child will even have a second, and mileage may vary on energy levels with the second kid, but I know that the energy does return, even though I'm almost 7 years older than I was when my oldest was born.
Reach Out To Your Spouse
One thing I wish I'd thought of more frequently is that my wife was in most cases as tired or more than I was. (In our case, she was probably mostly more tired because she got up more often in the night than I did.) As a general rule, when you feel challenged, your spouse probably feels it too, and trying to make sure she or he is always taken care of is a very good idea. I feel like new parent me should've done better in this regard. I know that it would've helped my wife, and it would've helped me as well: it's been my experience that reaching out to others is a great way to feel better about what's happening in your own life.
Focus On The Good
This is the more cliché of my advise to myself, but if this ever happens, since I'll be conversing with a future version of myself, hopefully new parent me will still listen. There are plenty of negative things that can distract you from the pure joy of helping a baby grow. It's amazing to look down at those bright eyes, see love staring back at you, and realize how much this tiny human depends on you. There's also the absolute serenity of a child sleeping in mommy or daddy's arms. Don't forget to soak those moments in.
