Lessons Learned From The Mission Part 1: Lord, Is It I?

Perhaps it's partially because my niece is currently serving as a missionary there, but lately, I've found myself reflecting a lot on serving as a missionary in Cape Verde and the lessons I started learning there. I'm still trying to learn and re-learn a lot of those lessons, and as part of that I thought I'd write about a few of them.

Before you head to area where you are called to serve as a missionary, each missionary normally goes to the missionary training center (MTC) for a few weeks. If you're learning a new language - like I was - then you used to prepare in the MTC for nine weeks. Your teachers are usually people who served a mission speaking the same language you will speak as a missionary. At some point, one of my teachers said that if you had one companion that you had a really hard time getting along with, that was fairly normal because relationships are hard and you spend all day together. However, he or she (I can't remember which teacher it was) warned that if you had a hard time with several companions, then it was probably you.

I should probably pause for a second to explain what a companion is for anyone unfamiliar: missionaries always serve in twos in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Your companion is the person you are assigned to spend all of your time with: you live together, proselyte together, eat together, study together, etc. Getting along with this person is very important both for your own happiness and for being effective missionaries, because you work together on everything and everyone you teach notices what kind of relationship you have. As John recorded: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

Returning to my story: sure enough, as I was working with my second companion I noticed that we had some of the same conflicts that I had with my first companion. It wasn't like I hated either of them or they hated me, but we had conflicts and I noticed some of them were the same. I began to examine myself and my behavior and I could see it was in fact me that needed to change. I was able to change (as the Gospel teaches, we can all repent and become better) and avoid a lot of fights with my second companion as well as avoiding the same kinds of fights with other companions I had through the rest of the mission.

At any rate, I feel like this has been a very practical life lesson. Like lots of people, when I have a difficult time getting along with someone, I'm tempting to think it's them. This lesson - which I'm absolutely still learning - has helped me examine myself and look to accept responsibility for my mistakes and my part in the conflicts that happen in my life. Generally I've found some things I can improve even in if it's a conflict where I feel the other person is largely to blame. Much like on the mission, the effect of doing so has made me happier and helped me avoid some of the fights I would've had with people along the way.

Over the years, I have generalized this rule to something more like: "if it keeps happening to me, then I need to seriously consider how much I am contributing to it." I find this introspection has helped me feel better about myself, strengthened my relationships, and made my personal repentance more effective.

Note: a favorite conference talk that explains the title and is relevant to the topic is Lord, Is It I?

Receiving Answers To Prayers

In Elder Kyle S McKay's talk, The Immediate Goodness of God, he mentioned the example of the people of Alma in coming to know God. To provide context into their experience, this people of Alma were part of a group of Nephites that left the land of Zarahemla to live near the Lamanites. They wanted to live there because it was near where they had settled first upon arriving in the Americas.

The larger group of people fell away from the Gospel, but the people of Alma were the people who repented after being taught the Gospel again. They began to follow Christ, and as a result, their king labeled them traitors and sent his army to attack them (see Mosiah 18). They fled, leaving their houses and lands to escape with their lives. In Mosiah 23 & 24 we read that they began to establish a new home for themselves, building buildings, working the land, and it was quickly becoming a city of their own. As they began to prosper, a Lamanite army found them and subjugated them, including attempting to take away their religious freedom.

They prayed fervently for deliverance, and the Lord promised them that He would ease the burdens on their backs. Later, after demonstrating great faith and patience, they were miraculously delivered from the Lamanites, again leaving behind their homes and lands in order to escape with their lives and freedom. Shortly thereafter they reunited with the Nephites, and shared their experiences with them. Elder McKay related:

The people of Zarahemla marveled, and “when they thought of the immediate goodness of God, and his power in delivering Alma and his brethren out of … bondage, they did raise their voices and give thanks to God.”

 (He is quoting Mosiah 25:10)

I have noticed in my own life that if I pray, but I'm really only wanting to hear the answer I want, it's much harder for me to recognize answers to my prayers. These, the people of Alma, recognized the Lord's help in their lives instead of asking why they lost everything twice after returning to Him.

I'm amazed at the faith that these people had to receive answers to prayers; I'm amazed that they looked at their lives and told their story in a way that caused people to see the "immediate goodness of God" instead of focusing on their many trials.

What if the people of Alma had only been willing to accept deliverance as an answer to their prayers, or only deliverance with immediate prosperity? They could have justified themselves and said there was no point in following the Lord because of their suffering. They could have become exhausted and turned away from the Gospel. I'm grateful they didn't; I feel like their example is a great reminder that we cannot demand our Father's intervention in our lives and control how He intervenes. I have found it personally more fulfilling and instructive to look for how He intervenes. It has helped me begin to understand that God's love doesn't mean my life will always go how I want, and that having trials does not mean His love is absent.