Lessons Learned From The Mission Part 1: Lord, Is It I?

Perhaps it's partially because my niece is currently serving as a missionary there, but lately, I've found myself reflecting a lot on serving as a missionary in Cape Verde and the lessons I started learning there. I'm still trying to learn and re-learn a lot of those lessons, and as part of that I thought I'd write about a few of them.

Before you head to area where you are called to serve as a missionary, each missionary normally goes to the missionary training center (MTC) for a few weeks. If you're learning a new language - like I was - then you used to prepare in the MTC for nine weeks. Your teachers are usually people who served a mission speaking the same language you will speak as a missionary. At some point, one of my teachers said that if you had one companion that you had a really hard time getting along with, that was fairly normal because relationships are hard and you spend all day together. However, he or she (I can't remember which teacher it was) warned that if you had a hard time with several companions, then it was probably you.

I should probably pause for a second to explain what a companion is for anyone unfamiliar: missionaries always serve in twos in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Your companion is the person you are assigned to spend all of your time with: you live together, proselyte together, eat together, study together, etc. Getting along with this person is very important both for your own happiness and for being effective missionaries, because you work together on everything and everyone you teach notices what kind of relationship you have. As John recorded: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

Returning to my story: sure enough, as I was working with my second companion I noticed that we had some of the same conflicts that I had with my first companion. It wasn't like I hated either of them or they hated me, but we had conflicts and I noticed some of them were the same. I began to examine myself and my behavior and I could see it was in fact me that needed to change. I was able to change (as the Gospel teaches, we can all repent and become better) and avoid a lot of fights with my second companion as well as avoiding the same kinds of fights with other companions I had through the rest of the mission.

At any rate, I feel like this has been a very practical life lesson. Like lots of people, when I have a difficult time getting along with someone, I'm tempting to think it's them. This lesson - which I'm absolutely still learning - has helped me examine myself and look to accept responsibility for my mistakes and my part in the conflicts that happen in my life. Generally I've found some things I can improve even in if it's a conflict where I feel the other person is largely to blame. Much like on the mission, the effect of doing so has made me happier and helped me avoid some of the fights I would've had with people along the way.

Over the years, I have generalized this rule to something more like: "if it keeps happening to me, then I need to seriously consider how much I am contributing to it." I find this introspection has helped me feel better about myself, strengthened my relationships, and made my personal repentance more effective.

Note: a favorite conference talk that explains the title and is relevant to the topic is Lord, Is It I?