A Personal Witness

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we encourage all members to seek their own testimony. When we say this, we mean that all should pray and seek an answer from God as to whether or not this is His church and His Gospel. This is the true bedrock of our faith, as individual communion with the divine is more influential than persuasive words, longer-lasting than charismatic leaders, and truly essential if one is to live a life of discipleship to Jesus Christ.

My father was a teenager when he, my grandparents, and his siblings began learning about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; after he and his family had been studying with the missionaries for a while, he prayed to know for himself. I have heard him describe his experience. For him, it is a clear moment in time where he transitioned from not knowing to having a personal witness of the truth, a moment he described as "as sweet as the juiciest orange" and a feeling that "filled his entire body."

As a teenager, I sought to have the same pivotal event, but that is not how I received my answer. As I prayed, the subtle thought came into my mind: "do you not already know?" It was not what I expected, and it did not come with an outpouring of the Holy Ghost that I could discern at that time. In the moment, I'll admit to being a bit disappointed, but able to answer that yes, I did know. At that point in my life I had already received many answers to my prayers, felt enlightened and uplifted in many ways as I read the scriptures or and tried to live the Gospel, felt the peace that comes with temple attendance, and many, many times felt the Holy Ghost confirm to me that the principles my parents taught me where true.

However, gradual changes are harder to notice than dramatic ones. When I was younger, sometimes I wondered if I really knew, or if all the little experiences could be explained away somehow, and I was fooling myself. I have since learned that many have similar experiences. We find this counsel in the Doctrine and Covenants:

22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might ^aknow concerning the truth of these things.

23 Did I not speak ^apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater ^bwitness can you have than from God?

 As I have continued to gain experience attempting to live the Gospel, I have come to understand many things about the answer I received as a teenager. Mostly, it has helped me pay attention to the myriad confirmations I have had since of the truth of the Gospel and of His church; some have been simple and subtle, and others have been profound, clear, and accompanied by an outpouring of the Spirit.

I believe I have benefited more by the answer I received than if I had gotten the answer I originally sought as a young man because it lead me to examine my life. That by itself is a great lesson as we seek our testimonies: answers will be individual, because God knows us and loves us individually. We cannot dictate to Him how to do it, but it is my experience that if we will seek Him then He will answer and will show us of His love.

Owning Our Lives

When my wife and I bought our first home several years ago, there was some garbage in the garage. We informed the people we were buying from that they needed to clear the garbage out, and they agreed to. Annoyingly, when we took possession of the house the garbage was still there. We assumed they were coming back for it and did nothing; they never came back. Some months after we moved in my parents visited. When I was showing my mom the garage, I mentioned that the previous owners were supposed to have thrown the broken garage door opener out, but they didn't. Teasing me, my mother said with a smile: "well, are you keeping it so you can stay mad at them?"

Sometimes, I wonder how much we all let this happen with different things in our lives. We all have relationships in different capacities in our lives that can be damaging at times. These negative experiences can leave us hurt, cynical, angry, depressed, timid, without self-esteem, or without confidence. Naturally, some of these experiences can be much more difficult to overcome than it is to throw away an old garage door motor. Even so, my life is ultimately mine alone, and if I wait around for others to clean it up it will be dirtier than necessary.

I am grateful for the patterns of forgiving, forgetting, and moving forward in life that Christ offers us as part of His Gospel. In D&C 64:9-10, He commands us:

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to ^aforgive one another; for he that ^bforgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will ^aforgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to ^bforgive all men.

I know that when I have attempted to forgive - especially when it is difficult - it has allowed the Lord to bless me with the ability to let go of old pains and avoid the trap of staying angry and hurt. It has helped me focus on achieving my own happiness. The next verse offers more insight:

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God ^ajudge between me and thee, and ^breward thee according to thy ^cdeeds.

At times I think we all face the temptation to think that if we move on, we will someone let another off the hook for what they've done. In reality, the burden of justice is in almost all cases too heavy for us. We can find peace in living as best we can and leaving it to our Father in Heaven.