The Power of our Agency

In Doctrine and Covenants 58:26-29, we read:

26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is ^acompelled in all things, the same is a ^bslothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27 Verily I say, men should be ^aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are ^aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their ^breward.

29 But he that ^adoeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with ^bdoubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is ^cdamned.

I love the lesson of this scripture: you are powerful and influential, capable of bringing to pass much righteousness. This is a gift from our Father in Heaven, and it is to all. Of course, when we read "the power is in them," it can be easy to feel like that's talking about people who hold visible positions of leadership, but I do not believe this is the intent of the scripture. Please permit me to give an example of what I'm thinking:

Not long ago, I was attending a funeral for someone who was loved by the family and still young enough that the death was completely unexpected by all. While I sat there, I thought of the loneliness that the family members would inevitably feel in the coming weeks, months, and years of adjusting to life without this individual.

I also thought about how many people suffer in silence, not wanting to pass their burdens onto others, not wanting to cry in front of others, and sometimes feeling ashamed of the pain they feel despite in many cases feeling practically the same as others who are in a similar circumstance.

I had the opportunity to briefly encourage this family to reach out to each other over the coming weeks, months, and even years and did so. Imagine how much easier it is to grieve if your other remaining loved ones reach out to you and remind you that - despite the loneliness that is missing someone who is dearly departed - you are not alone in feeling it. None needed worldly riches or prestigious careers to uplift each other and remember their loved one.

It is wonderful when we can serve anyone, and I know that the Lord is pleased with us when we reach out and serve others of our own accord. I also know that in many cases, we are uniquely suited to care for and minister to those we love and share experiences with. Kind, sincere words spoken out of love have a power to heal and to strengthen, and our Father in Heaven will bless us as we take the initiative to do good.

Communing With The Lord

If you are not sure you even believe in God, start there. Understand that in the absence of experiences with God, one can doubt the existence of God. So, put yourself in a position to begin having experiences with Him. Humble yourself. Pray to have eyes to see God’s hand in your life and in the world around you. Ask Him to tell you if He is really there—if He knows you. Ask Him how He feels about you. And then listen.

This quote from President Nelson has been on my mind a lot. Whether or not our faith is strong, we all need to regularly be in a position to have experiences with God. His influence has been a peaceful, steadying hand in my life. Despite relative ease or difficulty in my own life, I have felt that peace and love best when I have regularly done things which are conducive to communing with Deity and attempted to listen for the feelings and answers that have come.

When I was about 15 years old and at scout camp, I prayed about a good deal of questions I had at the time. Immediately after praying, I climbed into my cot to go to sleep. The cot was comfortable, but I could not sleep; I later felt impressed that I couldn't sleep because the Spirit was answering my prayers, but I was not listening. I have since learned that I need to attune myself to receive answers to the prayers I offer in order to comprehend what I am being taught. Things that help me pay attention for answers include:

1. Being quiet and seeking quiet places. So much of life is busyness and noise, and I have found stilling myself and my thoughts to be very valuable.
2. Comparing the choices that I am considering and paying attention to how I feel in relation to each one. I have found that answers from God usually are associated with feelings of peace, clarity, righteousness, and love.
3. Considering what I can do to solve the situation on my own. Some things are completely out of my control, and the best I can do to exercise faith is to trust the Lord.
4. Look for answers in the Word of God that is readily available to me and what I already know; if the commandments are clear on a subject, or on 70% of the choice I am making, then I should start there and look for inspiration to fill in the gaps.
5. Study the scriptures. I have found that reading the scriptures, conference talks, and other uplifting materials helps me be more in tune with the Spirit and therefore better able to recognize the hand of God in my life.
6. Do good. Serving others has helped me find countless blessings in my own life, as well as increase the love that I have. Everything about service makes it easier for me to recognize the divine in life.
7. Repent. Nothing separates us from contact with God like sin does. Fortunately, I do not have to be perfect in order to feel His love or otherwise commune with Him (if I did, then I wouldn't know anything about Him.). However, continually trying to be better makes it easier to understand and recognize when the Lord is directing my life.
8. Write in a journal. My mother taught me the importance of writing in a journal. I need to improve in my consistency, but I've found that writing in a journal helps me carefully think through my life and the experiences I'm having. It makes it easier to recognize inspiration, and writing about what I can recognize often helps me understand further and see clearer.

I continue to try to have regular experiences with my Father in Heaven. I have come to understand and appreciate the tremendous patience and love He has demonstrated towards me, and I know He loves me because I - like all of us - am His child. I pray that we may all grow through personal experiences with Him.

A Personal Witness

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we encourage all members to seek their own testimony. When we say this, we mean that all should pray and seek an answer from God as to whether or not this is His church and His Gospel. This is the true bedrock of our faith, as individual communion with the divine is more influential than persuasive words, longer-lasting than charismatic leaders, and truly essential if one is to live a life of discipleship to Jesus Christ.

My father was a teenager when he, my grandparents, and his siblings began learning about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; after he and his family had been studying with the missionaries for a while, he prayed to know for himself. I have heard him describe his experience. For him, it is a clear moment in time where he transitioned from not knowing to having a personal witness of the truth, a moment he described as "as sweet as the juiciest orange" and a feeling that "filled his entire body."

As a teenager, I sought to have the same pivotal event, but that is not how I received my answer. As I prayed, the subtle thought came into my mind: "do you not already know?" It was not what I expected, and it did not come with an outpouring of the Holy Ghost that I could discern at that time. In the moment, I'll admit to being a bit disappointed, but able to answer that yes, I did know. At that point in my life I had already received many answers to my prayers, felt enlightened and uplifted in many ways as I read the scriptures or and tried to live the Gospel, felt the peace that comes with temple attendance, and many, many times felt the Holy Ghost confirm to me that the principles my parents taught me where true.

However, gradual changes are harder to notice than dramatic ones. When I was younger, sometimes I wondered if I really knew, or if all the little experiences could be explained away somehow, and I was fooling myself. I have since learned that many have similar experiences. We find this counsel in the Doctrine and Covenants:

22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might ^aknow concerning the truth of these things.

23 Did I not speak ^apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater ^bwitness can you have than from God?

 As I have continued to gain experience attempting to live the Gospel, I have come to understand many things about the answer I received as a teenager. Mostly, it has helped me pay attention to the myriad confirmations I have had since of the truth of the Gospel and of His church; some have been simple and subtle, and others have been profound, clear, and accompanied by an outpouring of the Spirit.

I believe I have benefited more by the answer I received than if I had gotten the answer I originally sought as a young man because it lead me to examine my life. That by itself is a great lesson as we seek our testimonies: answers will be individual, because God knows us and loves us individually. We cannot dictate to Him how to do it, but it is my experience that if we will seek Him then He will answer and will show us of His love.

Owning Our Lives

When my wife and I bought our first home several years ago, there was some garbage in the garage. We informed the people we were buying from that they needed to clear the garbage out, and they agreed to. Annoyingly, when we took possession of the house the garbage was still there. We assumed they were coming back for it and did nothing; they never came back. Some months after we moved in my parents visited. When I was showing my mom the garage, I mentioned that the previous owners were supposed to have thrown the broken garage door opener out, but they didn't. Teasing me, my mother said with a smile: "well, are you keeping it so you can stay mad at them?"

Sometimes, I wonder how much we all let this happen with different things in our lives. We all have relationships in different capacities in our lives that can be damaging at times. These negative experiences can leave us hurt, cynical, angry, depressed, timid, without self-esteem, or without confidence. Naturally, some of these experiences can be much more difficult to overcome than it is to throw away an old garage door motor. Even so, my life is ultimately mine alone, and if I wait around for others to clean it up it will be dirtier than necessary.

I am grateful for the patterns of forgiving, forgetting, and moving forward in life that Christ offers us as part of His Gospel. In D&C 64:9-10, He commands us:

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to ^aforgive one another; for he that ^bforgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will ^aforgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to ^bforgive all men.

I know that when I have attempted to forgive - especially when it is difficult - it has allowed the Lord to bless me with the ability to let go of old pains and avoid the trap of staying angry and hurt. It has helped me focus on achieving my own happiness. The next verse offers more insight:

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God ^ajudge between me and thee, and ^breward thee according to thy ^cdeeds.

At times I think we all face the temptation to think that if we move on, we will someone let another off the hook for what they've done. In reality, the burden of justice is in almost all cases too heavy for us. We can find peace in living as best we can and leaving it to our Father in Heaven.

Lessons Learned From The Mission Part 1: Lord, Is It I?

Perhaps it's partially because my niece is currently serving as a missionary there, but lately, I've found myself reflecting a lot on serving as a missionary in Cape Verde and the lessons I started learning there. I'm still trying to learn and re-learn a lot of those lessons, and as part of that I thought I'd write about a few of them.

Before you head to area where you are called to serve as a missionary, each missionary normally goes to the missionary training center (MTC) for a few weeks. If you're learning a new language - like I was - then you used to prepare in the MTC for nine weeks. Your teachers are usually people who served a mission speaking the same language you will speak as a missionary. At some point, one of my teachers said that if you had one companion that you had a really hard time getting along with, that was fairly normal because relationships are hard and you spend all day together. However, he or she (I can't remember which teacher it was) warned that if you had a hard time with several companions, then it was probably you.

I should probably pause for a second to explain what a companion is for anyone unfamiliar: missionaries always serve in twos in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Your companion is the person you are assigned to spend all of your time with: you live together, proselyte together, eat together, study together, etc. Getting along with this person is very important both for your own happiness and for being effective missionaries, because you work together on everything and everyone you teach notices what kind of relationship you have. As John recorded: "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

Returning to my story: sure enough, as I was working with my second companion I noticed that we had some of the same conflicts that I had with my first companion. It wasn't like I hated either of them or they hated me, but we had conflicts and I noticed some of them were the same. I began to examine myself and my behavior and I could see it was in fact me that needed to change. I was able to change (as the Gospel teaches, we can all repent and become better) and avoid a lot of fights with my second companion as well as avoiding the same kinds of fights with other companions I had through the rest of the mission.

At any rate, I feel like this has been a very practical life lesson. Like lots of people, when I have a difficult time getting along with someone, I'm tempting to think it's them. This lesson - which I'm absolutely still learning - has helped me examine myself and look to accept responsibility for my mistakes and my part in the conflicts that happen in my life. Generally I've found some things I can improve even in if it's a conflict where I feel the other person is largely to blame. Much like on the mission, the effect of doing so has made me happier and helped me avoid some of the fights I would've had with people along the way.

Over the years, I have generalized this rule to something more like: "if it keeps happening to me, then I need to seriously consider how much I am contributing to it." I find this introspection has helped me feel better about myself, strengthened my relationships, and made my personal repentance more effective.

Note: a favorite conference talk that explains the title and is relevant to the topic is Lord, Is It I?

Receiving Answers To Prayers

In Elder Kyle S McKay's talk, The Immediate Goodness of God, he mentioned the example of the people of Alma in coming to know God. To provide context into their experience, this people of Alma were part of a group of Nephites that left the land of Zarahemla to live near the Lamanites. They wanted to live there because it was near where they had settled first upon arriving in the Americas.

The larger group of people fell away from the Gospel, but the people of Alma were the people who repented after being taught the Gospel again. They began to follow Christ, and as a result, their king labeled them traitors and sent his army to attack them (see Mosiah 18). They fled, leaving their houses and lands to escape with their lives. In Mosiah 23 & 24 we read that they began to establish a new home for themselves, building buildings, working the land, and it was quickly becoming a city of their own. As they began to prosper, a Lamanite army found them and subjugated them, including attempting to take away their religious freedom.

They prayed fervently for deliverance, and the Lord promised them that He would ease the burdens on their backs. Later, after demonstrating great faith and patience, they were miraculously delivered from the Lamanites, again leaving behind their homes and lands in order to escape with their lives and freedom. Shortly thereafter they reunited with the Nephites, and shared their experiences with them. Elder McKay related:

The people of Zarahemla marveled, and “when they thought of the immediate goodness of God, and his power in delivering Alma and his brethren out of … bondage, they did raise their voices and give thanks to God.”

 (He is quoting Mosiah 25:10)

I have noticed in my own life that if I pray, but I'm really only wanting to hear the answer I want, it's much harder for me to recognize answers to my prayers. These, the people of Alma, recognized the Lord's help in their lives instead of asking why they lost everything twice after returning to Him.

I'm amazed at the faith that these people had to receive answers to prayers; I'm amazed that they looked at their lives and told their story in a way that caused people to see the "immediate goodness of God" instead of focusing on their many trials.

What if the people of Alma had only been willing to accept deliverance as an answer to their prayers, or only deliverance with immediate prosperity? They could have justified themselves and said there was no point in following the Lord because of their suffering. They could have become exhausted and turned away from the Gospel. I'm grateful they didn't; I feel like their example is a great reminder that we cannot demand our Father's intervention in our lives and control how He intervenes. I have found it personally more fulfilling and instructive to look for how He intervenes. It has helped me begin to understand that God's love doesn't mean my life will always go how I want, and that having trials does not mean His love is absent.

Validation and the Gospel Part 2

When I was a teenager, I only understood one part of repentance: I understood that following the Gospel means living according to the commandments, and that if we did not, then we should repent. We should seek to make our wrongs right, and where we cannot, then we should seek to live better and have faith that the Savior can heal the difference. In all cases, we should seek His forgiveness and work to live better.

Those principles helped me then and they still help me now, and attempting to live them has helped me learn another powerful truth: I can be better tomorrow than I am today. Not all changes happen overnight; perhaps none of the most important ones do, but trying to live the Gospel has helped me see that I have great potential as a child of God, and that I can be better every day.

Specifically, the process of trying to become a little better has showed me that I do not have to repeat the same mistakes indefinitely. It isn't "just how I am" unless I continue to make the same choices I have made in the past. I don't have to be angry and I don't have to be in pain if I can find the strength to choose differently. Repentance doesn't make it all easy, but over the years it has helped me see significant changes that make me happier with who I am. I'm grateful for these chances to continuously become a better version of myself.